Husband: Nothing. Wife: 'Nothing? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.' Husband: 'I was looking for the expiry date.' Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?' Wife: 'Yes or No.' Hubby: 'When there is a problem, no matter how great, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.' Wife: 'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you.' Hubby: 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?' Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.' Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.' Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.' Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.' Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.' 'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, no matter WHO left you a fortune!' The guy replies: 'Thanks for the early warning.' He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humour!' A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan. 'What was that for?' the man asked. The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket'. The man then said 'When I was at the races last week and Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on.' The wife apologized and went on with the housework. Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon regaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again. Wife replied: 'Your Horse phoned!!!' |
Friday, December 9, 2011
Friday Funnies
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4 comments:
marriage is the operative word.
Dear Blabby:
I'm confused. One day my neighbors say they're married. The next day they say they are not. Married, not married, married, not married. It goes on and on like this depending on which way the wind happens to be blowing at the time.
Normally I wouldn't care about such things, BUTT..........
I need to know if it's safe to go out. I don't want them hitting on me.
I was driving home last week when a cop pulled me over at 4:30 AM for DUI. He asked me where I was going and I told him to a lecture on drunk driving. He asked me who gives lectures on drunk driving at 4:30 in the morning. I told him, my wife!
Amother cop pulled me over for speeding the other day. He told me he clocked me at 117 miles per hour and wanted to know what I had to say about that.
I told him that over the weekend my wife ran off with a cop. You look a lot like him and I thought you were trying to give her back.
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